Am I Really an Abusive Mom?

by Kate
(Manila)

Hi Sara.
I'm a mother of a five year old kid. I love him so much but he really gets on my nerves most of the time. He does things that irritate not just me, but the people around him, particularly his granny. When he's doing things that might lead to hurting himself, I definitely shout and curse at him, and eventually hurt him, and it does not matter if someone is around.

I am writing to you because I had this wake up call yesterday. He is asthmatic. And his pediatrician prescribed him an inhaler for maintenance. But he is just afraid of the thing. He doesn't like doing things in general, including getting a haircut! But I'm thankful he's smart in school though.

So each time, I have to force the inhaler into his mouth, and it would take us forever to achieve this, because he just wouldn't open his mouth. I had to win, so I scare him with things that would hopefully make him "obey" me, only to my disappointment.

It came to a point where he would be shaking with fear, but I won't stop because in my mind, he had to use the freakin' inhaler so he won't get sick again. I admit, there were times that I physically, mentally, and emotionally hurt him, but when I finally had the chance to shove the inhaler into his mouth,something white flew away, and his mouth started to bleed. He lost two of his teeth in an instant.

I don't know why I'm like this to my son,Sara. Sometimes. I see myself as a psycho-mom, someone who doesn't deserve to be with an innocent kid. I've shown him a lot of love an affection, but when I start losing patience, everything gets messed up. Please also advise me why I had to fight everyone who doesn't treat him well, including kids....

Really needing help here...