My teenage daughter has chosen to live with her Dad

by Kas
(Tasmania)

A couple of months ago, my 15 year old daughter decided it was best to live at her Dads. Her and I have been struggling to have a relationship for the past 3 years.

I re-partnered 4 years ago after being divorced since 2012. She and I used to be so close, then everything changed. She didn’t want me to re-partner, she loved how things were. But we both knew life was about to change.

She and her sister, Dad and step-family went overseas for a whole month back in 2016. It was challenging to be away from both my girls and in that time I had to start letting go.

They came back wiser and more grown up, my 15 year had become closer to her step mum after years of not really liking her, and also her finding out the day she got her first period that her step mum had BC while they were on their trip.

Since then their relationship has grown. A year later she didn’t want to stay with us, it took a few months of psychology sessions to turn this around which all coincided with us moving all together with my partner to a rental. Then a few years later my partner and I bought a house, we all moved in and I could feel more and more distance between her and I.

In the end she said I can't do this anymore I think it’s best if I go stay at Dads. Of course I was and still am completely devastated. I’ve only seen her 3 times in 2 1/2 months. I used to have her every second week.

Recently she tells me she is sick of packing and going between houses all the time. She doesn’t want to do it anymore. So I need to be supportive of her choice I’m heartbroken and I cry a lot! I message her every day just about. I miss her, I miss us so much. But I have no control over this situation or do I?

Her Dad seems to be more supportive of our relationship this time around, but he can’t force her to stay here. I’m not a perfect mum, but I truly am a good mum and 2 big mistakes I've made are, the first time she chose to stay away I accepted it because she looked so miserable and I should have fought harder for her, the second I leaned on her for emotional support which I’d pushed right back to the back of my mind and once she told me I apologised for. I just want things to be as they were, I’m trying so hard to give her time and space but it’s hard. :-(

Why doesn’t my daughter choose me, and would she feel guilt about all this, is it possible she loves her step mum more than me?