Should I Stay or Should I Go

Some years back I moved from a large city to the small town I grew up in. It was only supposed to be a temporary move, but I seem to have gotten stuck here. For some, perhaps most, people this wouldn’t be a large problem, but it simply doesn’t work for me. I have no friends here and never have had any. I know most people would advise that I go out and make friends but I’ve never been good at making friends, and I know just about everybody in this town, so, one would assume, that if it were possible for me to be friends with any of them, I would be. This is a large problem in many respects. Since my divorce three years ago (the reason that I’m stuck here), I have had two short-lived, dysfunctional relationships, having your significant other also be your only physical link to the outside world doesn’t make for a healthy relationship.

The reason that I’m stuck here is my oldest child. The family court judge has made it very clear that he won’t allow me to move said child away from his father, so if I move I will have to relinquish custody of him. On top of that, I know that, should I leave, my ex-husband and his family will do their very best to convince my son that I abandoned him.

About a month ago I decided to give up custody of my son and move back to the city I lived in previously (the reason I chose said city is because, as I said, I have quite a bit of difficulty making friends, and I already have a number of friends there), but job-hunting from over a thousand miles away is far from easy, and the longer it takes the more I second-guess my decision. I don’t know if I should just stick it out for another 13 years and try to make do with my online friendships and the occasional brief fling, or if I should give up my son and go somewhere where I can have a life outside of my children.